Zoe's Quotes of the Day

"I'm super duper angry!"

"You can only see what you can see."

Envision It

Last Thursday night I saw a listing for a house that looked amazing. Skip and I decided that we would both see it the next day. I knew that this was going to be our house from the beginning.

On Friday we met our real estate agent there around 1:30p. The house was as near perfect as it gets. The house has a great set up. It's on a cul-de-sac in my favorite neighborhood and backs to a large open space used to collect runoff rainwater. But details are what puts this house over the top.

I usually don't like brick, but somehow they made it work. I love the detail on the top of the front door. This motif was repeated through the interior as well.

The living room is beautiful, large and open to the kitchen and dining room. All of the house has wood laminate floors except for the carpet in the living area. The current owners installed a custom stained concrete fireplace base, and matching counter tops in the kitchen and bath. They are absolutely beautiful.

From the kitchen you can look out to the dining room and the living room. Notice the details.

It also turns out that the current owners share our taste in furnature. We have the EXACT same coffee maker, TV stand, side tables and Ikea dresser.

Love the floating shelves and bamboo blinds in the dinning room

Here's a pic of the master bedroom: small but not too shabby. The master bath was recently updated. The tub was deep enough for an adult to soak fully submerged. I think the bath cabinets are West Elm if I have to guess.

At this point I wanted to buy this house. I knew that this was our house without even seeing the yard in person.

There is a sunroom off the living room. What a wonderful addition. Perfect for the days when it's too cold, hot or mosquitoy to go outside and play. I envisioned our kitties spending a lot of time in this room. Oh, yeah, I forgot that they had our same Ikea kids table in the sunroom. They were using it for a plant stand.

The yard is amazing. The pictures don't do it justice. Again, it's the details. The proportions were very well thought out and there's plenty of room for my garden. There are two "windows" cut out of the back fence so that you can go behind the property out into the hill that leads sown to the water.

There's a gate around the side yard that looks as if it's hiding an A/C unit or trash cans, but when I opened it I found an outdoor shower. How freaken cool. There's also a fort that was built at the top of the fence and a slide. Zoe went down the slide about 10 times and then proclaimed "Let's buy this house!"

Can you believe this laundry room? I'm getting inspired to get more organized just looking at it.

And there's a workshop in the garage that is just screaming to be converted into a studio for Skip.

There's more that's great about this house, but I think you get the point.

I LOVE this house. We decided to make a bid on it that day and start getting everything in order right away.

Around 5p we get the news that there are 3 other offers. We decided to offer more than the asking price with no strings. Our agent told us that our offer was strong and thought we would get it.

We found out the next day that we were outbid. The house sold for almost $10k more than the asking price.

I'm so disappointed. I don't ever fall for houses like this. I feel like I've been rejected by a high school sweetheart. This whole week I've been going over this again and again. All the details that make this house so special. I don't want to look at other houses. I feel completely deflated by this process. Everyone says the same thing in reply - there's another house out there for you, at least you know you can find something you like, etc, etc.

So this post is my message to the universe. I love this house. I want a house that is like this or better. Prove my friends right and let there be another house for me.

Holy Crap! I finished a project

Socks for the Blue Dragon (aka Bennett)

I'm not thrilled with the way that the pattern does the turning of the heal, but otherwise I think these turned out to be pretty cute.

To My Daughters, My Greatest Teachers

I have learned more about myself and life in the past 4 years than I had ever imagined.

Zoe and Paige you are my greatest teachers.

You have taught me to finally love my body and appreciate the miracles that it is capable of.

You have taught me patience beyond anything I had thought possible.

You have taught me that love is not finite and keeps expanding.

You have taught me that I am a storyteller.

You have taught me what really makes me angry.

You have reminded me how to play.

You have brought me back outside and rekindled my love of nature.

You are teaching me how to live in the present moment.

Because of you, I've learned how to speak more honestly and openly.

I'm learning that whatever I want for you I have to want for myself first to make it happen.

I hope that I will be able to teach you half of what I've gained from the both of you.

Maternal Instinct Starts Early

This conversation took place this evening after I told Zoe that I was going to put Paige to bed and she wanted me to stay with her.

Zoe: Can Daddy can put Paige to bed?

Me: No, I have to put her to bed.

Zoe: Why?

Me: Because Daddy can't make Mommy Milk. Only girls can make Mommy Milk.

Zoe: Do I have Mommy Milk?

Me: Not right now. When you become an adult you can choose to have a baby and then you'll have Mommy Milk.

Zoe: When my eggs go down into my feet.

Me: hmmmm

Zoe: But I want a baby NOW.

Me: Your body's not ready to have a baby yet. Maybe Paige can be your baby for now.

Zoe: No! I want my OWN baby!

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

I received a letter letting me know that my private health insurance premium will be increasing by $50 per month for no other reason than the health insurance company isn't making enough money. This is the 4th time this year that either my or Skip's policy's monthly premium has increased.

This is my shitty high deductible plan that doesn't cover pre-existing conditions and has paid ZERO of my medical expenses EVER.

Tell me again why I'm paying for this?

Paige’s Birth Story – Turn and Face the Strange

The Thursday before Paige was born I went to see my midwife Michele for my 38 week check up. I was ready for Paige to be here and hoping that she would say that Paige was on the way. Scottie, Michele’s apprentice, checked me and I was only 1 cm dialated, about 60% effaced and Paige was still high in my pelvis (about +3). Michele told me not to get my hopes up that she would be born before my 39 week check up. I was disappointed but thought I’d try to prove the prediction wrong.

After the appointment I quickened the pace of my walks around the block and concentrating on doing squats throughout the day. Something must have worked. On Sunday, Paige had dropped very low. I felt like she was going to fall out. It hurt to stand, to sit, to walk. I couldn’t wait for her to be born.

Monday was a normal day. I didn’t do much because I was feeling very pregnant and achy. Zoe didn’t take her nap, but desperately needed one, so I took her for a ride to the store with the hope that she would fall asleep before we got there. Once we got in the car I decided to drive around for awhile to give her a chance to fall asleep. I started having contractions, which I thought were Braxton-Hicks. For about the past month or two I’d been having BH contractions that would happen on and off for hours.

I wove around the UT campus area for about 30 minutes before giving up on the nap, when I noticed that the contractions were happening regularly. I started timing them about 6 minutes apart. Zoe and I stopped by the pet store and picked up some food for the kitties then headed home. By the time we got home the contractions were 5 minutes apart. The odd thing was that the contractions weren’t that painful – they were annoying – similar to menstrual cramps.

I told Skip that I thought that I might be in labor. His response was that we were out of bottled water and wanted to go to the grocery store to get some more. For those of you who know Skip you’ll see the humor in that. I persuaded him to hold off on going to the store until we talked to Michele and figured out if I was in labor.

Scottie came over to the house to check to see if things were in motion. I was 2cm dialated and confirmed that Paige had dropped very low and was sitting about 2” from the exit, so to speak.

I was in early labor, which was very strange to me. I didn’t experience early labor with Zoe. With her, my water broke, went into active labor and Zoe was born a little over 3 hours later.

We called everyone to let them know that I was in labor. Things were moving slowly. Skip went out to get me some dinner and bottled water. Zoe went over to her friend Darlene’s house for the night. My friend De’Andrea came over to be apart of the birth. She teaches the Bradley Method of natural childbirth and offered her support during the birth. It felt like we were having a party. We were all sitting around the living room talking and eating cookies.

When Michele got to the house I was still at 2cm but the contractions were coming closer together and getting stronger. The party atmosphere was fading as I had to concentrate harder with each contraction. Michele told me that she didn’t think that Paige would be born that night and suggested that I get as much sleep as I could so that I’d have plenty of energy for the birth. She told me to send everyone home, take a Benadryl (which slows down contractions), take a bath and drink some wine. Scottie and Michele left and De’Andrea went out to get a bottle of wine. I took a Benadryl and sat in the bath. But I couldn’t relax because I couldn’t get comfortable during the contractions.

I only drank about 3 sips of the wine. The contractions were becoming more intense and I was beginning to feel drowsy from the Benadryl, so I went to lie down to do the Bradley relaxation stuff. When De’Andrea left the contractions were about 3 minutes apart.

I had planned on using the Bradley Method of relaxation during labor. I read all the books and thought I knew enough techniques to get me through the pain. It was very easy to keep my body relaxed in the early stages of labor. I was able to manage the contractions laying down for awhile but I found that lying down was making me very tense, so I got up to move around. I couldn’t find a comfortable position to labor in and got into the shower.

The contractions were getting more intense so Skip called Michele and Scottie to tell them to come back to the house. He left a message for De’Andrea to come back also. Scottie arrived at the house around 11pm. I was in active labor at this point, and had given up on relaxing my way through the contractions. At this point I went back to the only thing that helped me during my labor with Zoe – moaning and screaming. I learned the power of vocalizing when I was taking a pre-natal yoga class when I was pregnant with Zoe. The instructor had us in an uncomfortable pose and asked us to vocalize when we got to the point were we felt we needed to move. I was amazed to find that I could hold the pose as long as I was groaning. In labor, unlike most of the rest of the time, I have no problem expressing myself at high volume.

Scottie was great, very warm and helpful. She suggested some positions for labor, the “dancing” thing and sitting on the birth ball, but I ended up back in the shower. I got into a rhythm. Between contractions I stood so that the hot water hit my belly, then when the contractions started I would lean forward and rest my head on Skip and let the water hit my lower back. I labored like this until it was time to push. Skip was great and talked me through each contraction with encouraging words.

With both of my labors towards the end I felt like I was outside of time, at least the linear way in which most of us perceive it. I’m not sure how long I was in the shower, probably about 45 minutes or an hour based on the time she was born.

I pushed on a birthing stool that Michele had set up at the foot of the bed. After the first push Michele said that the baby was coming now and she wanted me to get on the bed but things were moving too fast for me to get up there. While I was pushing Michele was talking to me, but I didn’t really hear what she was saying until she said “Nikki, you’re a teapot. Close your mouth.” I came back to the present moment and thought why is this woman calling me a teapot? Aha! As soon as I closed my mouth Paige crowned. Just then my phone started ringing. Paige was serenaded into the world by David Bowie singing “Changes” via the ringtone on my cell phone. Skip caught Paige on her way out.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-Changes

Don't want to be a richer man

We couldn’t have planned it that perfectly. It was De’Andrea calling. She had just got Skip’s message to come to the house but wasn’t sure when he left the message so was calling to see how things were going. Thanks De’Andrea.

Paige was born at 12:27am on April 7th. This time I didn’t tear during delivery (Michele and Scottie – you rock!!) Paige had some bruising on her face from being smooched against my tail bone, poor thing, but was otherwise perfectly healthy weighing in at 6#5 and 19” long. She started nursing with gusto almost immediately after being born and then took a snooze. I felt amazing and didn’t sleep at all.

Skip was a great coach and even remembered some of the things he read in the Bradly books. Thanks, sweetie.

The next morning, Zoe was so excited to meet her new baby sister.

Welcome to the world, baby girl.